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Dec 5, 2003
Looking to my left,
I see nothing I'm blind!
Looking to my right,
I'm in yet another bind.
Slip up here and also one there,
I'm not trying to look anywhere.
Even teachers make smart ass comments,
I'm tellin ya now son there are no limits.
Represent for the ones who aren't like the rest,
I tried so hard for so long, my best.
Never gonna be the same again,
Tried so hard just to lose not win.
Its not over 'till the fat lady sings,
The clock already chimed its 12 chime rings.
Posted at 11:15 pm by Alexandra
Dec 4, 2003
Checking the bottom from an ariel view,
Breath and blink for a second or two.
Want to let go more than anything else,
The Hammer came down far to hard on her self.
Science is science do well satisfaction,
For ever action there is an equal and opposite reaction.
It suprised me that you could help,
After all the hurt that used to dwell.
Every 18 minutes it happens again,
What kind of message does this send?
Damn those motha fuckas that screw up yo shit,
Damn Oreo is about to get fuckin hit.
Guess whos gonna break your face,
I'll make bleed all over the place.
Not for real though,
But c'mon now I know that you know that I know.
Fo Sho.
"So long bitch you did me so wrong I dont wanna go on livin in this world with out you"
Now hell nah this isnt what I think,
But okay its thursday and I'm not at school because y'all tryin to get me to sink.
Hitting rock bottom not goin on anymore,
Think about it next time you want to call someone fat, ugly, or a whore.
What goes around comes around,
Right now I feel bad lookin at you layin on the ground.
Posted at 11:59 am by Alexandra
Dec 2, 2003
*Someone please tell me,
If you see what I see,
You please tell me what the deffinition of class be?
I think its to be yourself and handle it with no fee.
Now I guess she thinks the word class,
Means to prance around not getting ass,
Always matching you clothes, being a fragile as glass.
How can she say that with out of her teeth there is hanging grass?
Someone please tell me,
What you mean,
That you don't respect me for my state of being.
I know you don't understand me, and I don't understand thee.
I'm not like you or the rest of the swans,
I'm the stand out hot pink flamingo with more pros than cons.
Sorry you can't see that life must suck being jaded.
I'd rather live now than always feel faded.
I know Im not perfect,
I know I never will be,
So someone please help them see,
That even though I'm "Low class" now,
In the future noone knows what is to be.*
Posted at 07:38 pm by Alexandra
Dec 1, 2003
Whats up folks?
Chillin drinkin rum and cokes.
Feelin the rizyme,
It be wastin my tizime.
When they said watup
I was like chillin like a villain for rillan.
They was all "for rizle dizzle?"
Fo shizzle.
A-to-the-lizzle thats my name fo rizzle.
The part of the song "Fo fiteens aint got no wiyas then I heard BOOM from the amplafayas" still rings in my head,
That was for you Lo' Dawg enough said.
Chizan is the tightest,
Dancin with her belly,
to the beat of R. Kelly.
My life doesn't suck.
HA I could sell my soul for more than a BUCK*!
Posted at 06:01 pm by Alexandra
Nov 30, 2003
You bitch cause I didn't write it but who gives a damn?
You bitch simply because I am who I am.
Maybe if I could change the past,
Or pull a cat out of my ass,
It would change your veiws
I'm only 14 and have already went past my dues.
You do not like me because I'm who,
But what do I say that you say but never do?
Dr. Sues could rhyme for days,
But aparently I can too in different ways.
Songs talking about that shot in the chest,
Get turned around and sold the best.
What I want to know is how L-to-the-izud can rap a rap with the word "Breast".
"Oh geeze there she went again"
Who does she think she is with that message she tries to send.
Damn right I have a lazy eye oh well, I'm still the shit,
Drop the bullet that you thought you bit.
Say what you want cause but it wont effect,
And now I know that I CAN reject.
Either you're tall and skinny,
Short dirty and trendy,
Pizle for rizle is full of shizzle-
That was Pat,
And Im no longer afraid to say cause I can't stand you or your ways.
So he tried to black mail me.
"You annoy me and I'll fucking tell everyone"
Go for it bitch whats done is done.
Yea I made another mistake,
It was just the choise I chose to make.
No regrets and pride I'm full,
Now Im gettin pretty dull.
Sorry if you don't like me don't look,
Its just my path I made and went and took! (P.S. Just kidding- Im not completely serious about this shit*)
Posted at 02:09 pm by Alexandra
Nov 28, 2003
Fun things to do at the mall!
Walk in a single-file line, in step with the person in front of you.
When you come to the benches in the middle of the mall, walk on top of them instead of going around them.
Ask the salespeople in the stores where the uniforms they wear are sold in the store (for example, in Bath and Body Works ask where you can buy their vests)
Ride a hobby-horse around the mall, holding the reins and yelling, "Whoa Betsy!"
Talk in third person at all times.
Carry a Pez dispenser and offer strangers a Pez.
Wear camouflage and sneak around like you think no one can see you.
If the loudspeaker comes on, tell the voices in your head to shut up.
When asked if you need help continue yelling out "WHAT?!?!"
Wear a fake sheriff badge and carry around a stack of post-it notes writing up tickets and warnings to people walking down the mall.
Randomly throw temper tantrums.
Walk 5 ft. behind someone at all times. When he/she enters a store wait at the entrance of the store until he/she comes back out.
When walking, walk in a perfectly straight line, only turning at 90 degree angles.
Add "ong" to the end of every word you use when you speak to the salespeople.
In every store you enter that is not a department store, ask where the lingerie department is.
Be a still model in a store that doesn't sell clothes.
Accuse someone of stealing your bag.
Go in 579 and ask for size 13.
Skip or gallop wherever you go.
Say punctuation out loud. For example, say, "Ma'am comma would you please help me find a pink comma red comma and blue shirt question mark?"
At all times pretend to have an imaginary friend. When asked if you need help begin by gesturing to the air next to you and saying, "Well, my friend here..."
Go in a store with a friend who pretends to be deaf. Ask the salesperson if he/she will help your deaf friend find the right clothes while you go to the bathroom.
When in the bathroom stall suddenly exclaim, "Corn! When did I eat corn?"
Wear a motorcycle helmet and have a bike lock. Pretend to park your motorcycle when you enter a store.
Carry a tablecloth and picnic basket. Order take-out at the Food Court and spread out you tablecloth in the middle of the mall and enjoy your meal.
When asked "May I help you?" bow or curtsey.
Walk up to someone you don't know and pretend to know them. Continue for as long as you can.
Take a tootsie pop and hold it like a microphone in a person's face. Ask him/her how many licks it takes him/her to get to the center of a tootsie pop.
Ask a passerby to scratch your back for you. If they do, make obscene noises when they do so.
Try to get everybody in line for Chick-fil-a to do the Chicken Dance.
Go with a friend. Join yourselves together with one of those things parents attach to their children's wrists.
If you're a female, drag your purse behind you. Pull on it and pat your leg, saying "Hurry up old boy!"
Ask the cashier if you could ring your purchase up.
Ask if they accept credit cards and then pay cash.
Bargain
Barter
Carry a rubber duckey with you. Pet him, talk in a baby voice to him, and set him down gently on the counter when you pay.
In the food court ask if this seat is taken and then walk away.
Carry around a can of EasyCheese. Randomly ask people, "Would you like cheese with that?"
When walking down the center of the mall point at nothing and start laughing hysterically.
Put down every store loudly as you exit by saying, "THIS PLACE SUCKS!"
Take a baby doll with you and ask bystanders to baby-sit while you try on clothes.
Constantly move your mouth as if you were talking.
Sing opera-style everything you would normally say.
Ask the Dollar Store if they have a lay-away plan.
Buy one jelly bean at the candy store and have them weigh it.
Take a Big Wheels and wear leather.
Be very hostile when someone asks to help you.
Walk in a weave (crossing each others path), this keeps strangers away, the more the better! Also, yell at those things that people put money in, and take the money out.
Go in a store and ask a lot of question about one product. In the middle of the explination, walk out.
Posted at 07:22 pm by Alexandra
Nov 27, 2003
50 fun things to do at a movie theater!
Yup you guessed it....more lists!
1. Inform the entire theatre that you have to go to the bathroom. Wait a
minute or so and tell everyone that you feel better now.
2. Applaud
3. Laugh loudly during serious and sad scenes.
4. Sing along with the backround music.
5. Whenever someone opens a door yell "Don't go in there, he's got a gun!"
6. Snore
7. Yell "Hey, down in front!" even if you are stting in the front.
8. Make shadow pupputs.
9. If you've seen the movie before, say what's going to happen right
before it happens. Act amazed at your wondeful forsight.
10. Walk around behind the screen. Jump through it. Run like hell.
11. Pull out a gun and shoot the "bad guys." tell people that you are a
part of this new "live action" movie. Shoot any movie personnel telling
you to stop.
12. Read the credits out loud.
13. Dress as a cheerleader. Keep the actors' enthusiasm up.
14. Stand by the screen and sign the movie.
15. Rip off one end of a straw wrapper and blow in the straw. The
wrapper will fly accros the theatre, hopefully hitting someone.
16. (Variation of above) dip the wrapper end in ketchup. This will make
it a permanent part of the screen.
17. If it's a Disney film, go up to the prjector room and replace the
film with an adult film.
18. Talk loudly to a friend. Whenever someone else makes the slightest
noise, tell them they are inconsiderate little bastards for disrupting
your viewing pleasure.
19. Put exlax in the drinks. Lock all the doors.
20. Say "beep" loudly at every vulgarity. Tell those objecting that you
are from the EPA here to stop noise pollution.
21. Throw Runts at people so you can use the drive by fruiting joke.
22. Sacrifice small furry creatures in the front of the theatre.
23. Sit by the isle. Trip everyone that walks by.
24. Walk in front of the screen, fall, and lay there for a few minutes.
Then get up and go back to your seat as if nothing happened. Do it again
every ten minutes.
25. Play an appropriate instrument for the movie:n western-banjo,
comedy-cazoo, action-synthesizer or guitar, mystery-bad whistle,
horror-cowbell or afucha (sp), etc.
26. Say the lines with the movie, in Swahili.
27. Collect donations for charity.
28. Bring a portable T.V. Watch the ball game. Cheer loudly.
29. Aerosol can. Zippo. 'nuff said.
30. Throw paper airplanes. Anounce their take off like air traffic
control personnel.
31. Candle + flashpaper = fireballs!
32. Yell "Ow!" after every gunshot.
33. Stand on your head in the isle during the duration of the movie.
34. Have a barbecue.
35. Gargle your Pepsi.
36. Juggle
37. Bowl in the isle.
38. Get a realistic looking and sounding cap gun. Go to the front of the
theatre and exclaim that "The movie is depressing you." Shoot yourself in
the head and fall dead. After about a minute get up and go back to you
seat. Remain silent the rest of the movie.
39. Play Battleship with someone accross the theatre.
40. Wear a trench coat and sunglasses. Whenever someone enters or exits
the theatre ask to see their identification.
41. Do shots.
42. Eat a lot of beans or chili before the movie. Hope the theatre is
crowded.
43. leave death threats on various seats. Give sinister glances to
people as they leave the theatre.
44. break into a chrous of "Green Acres" during climatic parts of the movie.
45. Do some needlepoint. Suddenly yell "Ow! That hurt. Whoah cool, it's
spurting."
46. Find the light switch. Turn the lights on.
47. Throw water balloons.
48. Bring lots of gerbils and mice. think snowball fight.
49. Have a friend call your beeper every 5 minutes. Make sure it's loud.
50. Throw smoke grenades.
there's more to come. Enjoy.
Posted at 12:43 am by Alexandra
Nov 26, 2003
* Tell your friends, four days prior to their party, that you can't attend because you're not in the mood.
* Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars, to see if they slow down.
* Practice making faxmodem noises.
* If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
* Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".
* Drum on every available surface.
* Remove every line of someone's .newsrc file except the entry for alt.sex.fetish.hamster.duct-tape.
* Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
* Staple papers in the middle of the page.
* Ask 800 operators for dates.
* Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.
* Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
* Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
* Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
* Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
* Set alarms for random times.
* Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
* Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
* Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
* Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
* Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
* Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
* Honk and wave to strangers.
* Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
* Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
* Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
* Wear your pants backwards.
* Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
* Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
* Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music".
* Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-Cyrillic-landscape mode.
* ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
* only type in lowercase.
* don't use any punctuation either
* Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
* Pay for your dinner with pennies.
* Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
* Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
* Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's road maps.
* Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
* Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?"
"What?"
"Never mind, it's gone now."
* Light road flares on a birthday cake.
* Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
* Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
* Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".
* Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
* At the Laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
* When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
* Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".
* As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
* Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
* Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
* Sing the "This is the song that never ends..." song. (Ya know, Lamb Chops?)
* Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
* Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
* Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up", and repeat.
* Drive half a block.
* Name your dog "Dog".
* Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
* Ask people what gender they are.
* Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
* Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
* Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.
* Forget the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".
* Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
* Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
* Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
* While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
* Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
* Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
* Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
* Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.
* Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
* Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
* Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
* Wear a LOT of cologne.
* Ask to "interface" with someone.
* Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing".
* Sing along at the opera.
* Mow your lawn with scissors.
* At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"
* Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy".
* Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".
* Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
* Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".
* Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't ricket."
* Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture".
* Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
* Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
* Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
* Never make eye contact.
* Never break eye contact.
* Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
* Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
* Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
* Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.
* Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
* Make appointments for the 31st of September.
* Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
* Send fifty copies of this list to everyone you know.
* Call in sick, then show up.
Posted at 12:19 am by Alexandra
Nov 24, 2003
Obnoxious things to do in a swimming pool!
Stand on top of the high board and say you won't come down until your demands are met.
Tell the lifeguards that they aren't doing their jobs because you have seen at least 15 people drown today.
Ask people if they have seen your pet shark.
Sit in the baby pool and play with the toys.
Take a flutter board and pretend you can't swim.
Hit strangers with your flutter board.
Ask an attractive lifeguard to practise CPR on you.
Sit in front of a water jet, make moaning sounds and say, ''Oh yeah... oooh that feels soooo good....''
Sit on the top of the water slide and don't move.
Swim near a stranger and go ''Dammit I knew I shouldn't have had watermelon before I came here.''
Insist that you saw a monster at the bottom of the pool.
Pretend to drown and then when someone tries to help you, say ''HA-HA, fooled you!''
Scream as someone is trying to do something when jumping off of a diving board.
Laugh at fat people in swimsuits.
Tell people you saw the lifeguard pissing in the pool.
Ask a lifeguard if skinny-dipping is allowed.
Try to negotiate the price of getting in.
Take a really long time when you are on top of the high dive and then act as though you were pushed off.
When in line, ask strangers if they think invisble people get a discount.
Take your towel, tie it around your shoulders and say ''Wheee! I'm Batman!'' while running around.
Hit strangers with your wet towel.
Throw people's things into the pool.
Sing and dance on top of the diving board, then do a belly-flop as your grande-finale.
Play Marco-Polo by yourself.
Ask small children if they have seen any suspicious-looking sea monsters lately.
Posted at 04:53 pm by Alexandra
Nov 23, 2003
1. Coors put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish, where it
was read as "Suffer from diarrhea."
2. Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the
following in an American campaign: "Nothing sucks like an
Electrolux."
3. Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick", a curling iron, into
German only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too
many people had use for the "manure stick."
4. When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used
the same packaging as in the U.S., with the beautiful Caucasian << Thats my favorite one!
baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies
routinely put pictures on the label of what's inside, since most
people can't read.
5. Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the
name of a notorious porno magazine.
6. An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the
Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I
saw the Pope" (el Papa), the shirts read "I saw the potato" (la
papa).
7. Pepsi's "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" translated
into "Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave", in
Chinese.
8. Frank Perdue's chicken slogan, "it takes a strong man to make
a tender chicken" was translated into Spanish as "it takes an
aroused man to make a chicken affectionate."
9. The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as "Ke-kou-ke-la",
meaning "Bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with
wax", depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000
characters to find a phonetic equivalent "ko-kou-ko-le",
translating into "happiness in the mouth."
10. When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads
were supposed to have read, "it won't leak in your pocket and
embarrass you". Instead, the company thought that the word
"embarazar" (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read:
"It won't leak in your pocket and make you pregnant."
Posted at 09:59 pm by Alexandra
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